Tag Archives: blog

bored, i am

THE-JADE-PROJECT

turmoil. My life for the past few months of not writing here has been in constant turmoil. (BTW i’m finally of legal age! & i have a tattoo) Well, for the most part – just my personal life. Though, i tried my hardest to keep my work life (meaning college life) in order. I landed a position, not a job but a college title that i think might actually look good once presented on my resume. Did I feel good about it? Yes. I actually felt as though I was doing better with my life. It was a “let’s-get-busy-and-forget-about-my awful-breakup-and-mild-depression-stage” kinda good. I thought maybe this was a calling, maybe God wants me to tackle new things and realize that i can do more than just mope around and self-loathe while i divert all my remaining optimism and strength by supporting a very toxic partner. That was the dream – to be a support system. To love, to care for, to cook eggs in the morning and make toast with butter and buy beer in the evening and kiss til our lips fell off. That was the dream. Forget the title, forget the job hierarchy, forget the money, I just want to love. Though, love didn’t want me.. yet (hoping that there is hope)

LOVE SUCKS SOMETIMES

Anyway, my drunken thoughts are also in constant turmoil. one moment im pissed at the thought of love and the next, im thinking of better ways to resist the urge of dialing people up at this ungodly hour and cry about how lost i feel.

HEY IM NOT MAKING SENSE.

anyway part 2. I am much better to converse with drunk.

Anyway part 3. I am here because  i have no one to talk to .

Anyway part 4: hi, so how am I doing? Im good. I see people, I go to church and Im about to attend this 4 day retreat with hopes that I can reconnect with my systems and find out who I really am…………… hahahahaha Whatever. Basically, I’ve been numb for a few weeks and I went out one night with a couple of friends and suddenly i felt really really happy and content for 6 hrs and once my feet landed home, I felt really lost again. Sux. Night

 

xx

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Don’t read this

 

Hi there.

Let me start this post with a selfie. I just arrived home from a not so successful shopping date with my boyfriend. Now that he’s gone I sort of wanted to come here and just de-stress.

I realised quite a few things today, well by today I mean five minutes ago when I was trying to put my thoughts together and come to a good topic so I can excitedly write on wordpress and test out my new laptop (which is doing awesome at the moment. I’ve never handled a computer this fast in 8 yrs!!) in those 5 minutes of thinking I had to rapidly read a few of my favorite blogs from my favorite writers just so that I’d have some inspiration to get back here and let my thoughts explode.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to adjust in college for a couple months now and I can say that I’m doing well. Finally ended 1st term and  it was pretty okay. I’ve been out of school for 5 days and I am trying to put my hours into use by being more productive. Which explains why I’m here……. Well now that I’ve typed quite a few words (217 words at the moment) I guess it’s pretty acceptable to say that I’ve exerted a bit of productivity today. And with that said, I can now end this post with a good bye.

BYE. Sorry I wasted your time hahaha.

((ps; i warned you)) ((pps; I lied, I didn’t realise A LOT of things today, but when I do realise a few things; soon I’ll write about it, I promise *winks*))